Stuffs to confess

I love doing 'memories revision',reminiscing old stories again and again,which I think xt hated it the most (because I would drag in his ex,although only one,and the girls he once fell for).

Nah..I'm not trying to provoke, and that was merely for remembering past memories.People tend to forget,when you stop mentioning or stop talking about something/someone...eventually it's going to be forgotten,like it never even existed.And that's terrible, to me.

We had a random walk after dinner, with my dog.Walking down the street while speaking of the past was like going through the 8-years memory lane.So near yet so far.In one second,it was happening;and am really thankful it's still happening.

We grew together and are going to grow old together.Undoubtedly, we are of different personalities and miraclely we had gone so far already.

I might be the influencer as xt is now more sentimental;previously he was quite emotionless(not going to shed a tear for touching movie or incident) which I think was pretty 'cold-blooded'.Now I can see that he is nurturing this sense he once lacked of.

I guess I also influence him to be happier, more cheerful and talkative compared to the older days.But this is also merely my point of view coz he never admitted this to me.who knows he just pretend to be cool when we first met each other? Boys always act cool to attract girls..?

I gotta confessed xt made some changes on me as well.And through him, I see a lot of goodness that I never knew.And it kinds of filled up the discrepancies between us.

He is careful,logical and he would plan everything to make sure it's all in place.Says we want to watch movie.He was always the one look for movie tickets ,check which cinema is empty/full, the time, make time adjustment,urge me to change and dress up for the movie.But I guess I would never learned this point of him coz I want to keep my mind blank and relax.He will be the one counting minutes and seconds, making sure that we are on time for that movie.

Though I can never be such a careful planner(I can be careful but I don't want to because it takes away a lot of energy),nevertheless I start to pay attention to trivial happening around me.

I start listening to sounds of car,coz xt was really paranoid about sounds of the engines,the wheels and etc,even the little one.Then I realized when the car doesn't sound right,there might be potential problem.i even ended up telling my dad our car 'wheezes',but my dad just shut me off,he couldn't hear it.

Xt is definitely good at navigation and direction.ironically,I got lost,I'm not sure which lane to follow,I got the direction all wrong.He was the navigator and I learned how to drive from him--which area is dangerous and should pay attention to, which area got speed tracks.Dont get too close to lorry,they fly you stone (coz lorry is heavy,the force can coz tiny stone on roadside to smack on your mirror).

He told me all simple,minute,trivial things that I should know but yet to know.

(Or just because I don't have common sense?) eg.when you want to reheat your rice using cooker,should put some water so that your rice wouldn't dry up and stick to the pot.Common sense?!

There are a lot more examples and I can't  remember it all coz I blend them in to become my common sense already!

And this is a good thing,I slow myself down to pay attention to little things that are important.

I write this down so that I remember these are the things I learned from xt. Because as time goes I may adopt it as common sense and blend them into my life without acknowledging that xt was the one telling me all that.

=)

Love,

Aoran

Quiet Life in Noisy World

Remember I said I'm shifting to be more introverted as I grow? Recently, I found some consolation and relief from a book.

An introvert but not shy.Said the book.

While people prefer chatter and laughter, i secretly despised superficial talk.Yes. I'm always looking into deep meaningful conversation.Rather than having noisy group chats that everyone wants to shout out their own voice, I'm looking forward to that soft inner voice inside your brain. But who on Earth in this noisy world is willing to open up his/her heart to you even when you're ready to offer yours?

But that doesn't mean I hate random small talks.

I love talks that replenish me rather than drained me out. Conversation that drenched me up made me feel like channeling  ounces of my energy out, leaving me emptied and hollow. I accidentally met a skillful old dentist who did closure adjustment for my teeth and he, a wisdom man engaged me a lot of thoughtful conversation. We spent a long time talking to each other after the dental appointment. Though weekend is meant for shopping, hanging out I felt so good to talk to him because that was mindfulness.

I think I'm weird. I feel I'm isolated. I feel I'm isolating myself from people.

I'm glad that this book finally made its way to me. It lied quietly on the shelf and I spotted it  like discovering a new land. And it filled me up.Now that I knew it is introvert's nature that we prefer more 'alone' time than mingling with the crowds. It seem we need loads of energy and efforts to socialize compared to extrovert. I'm not sure why. But that's exactly how I feel.

But that doesn't mean I enjoy loneliness.

I love engaging in conversation though. But a full day of social activities required tones of energy from me and that's the reason I barely joined events or society that required me to work in a team. I'm capable to act like an extrovert--friendly, talkative, sociable but that demands a whole lot of efforts.

I guess that's the reason I keep running home.

I need a peaceful, undisturbed weekend which I can sit quietly the whole evening, doing mindless job, playing mindless game. Just me alone or just me alone with TV or just me alone with some interesting reading materials. Yet I'm grateful, as I can always have some mindfulness talk with xt that I feel I'm being replenished, that I'm being understood, that I can spent an evening with him without talking much.

Now I understand that ''You’re not shy; rather, you appreciate the joys of quiet. You’re not antisocial; instead, you enjoy recharging through time alone. You’re not unfriendly, but you do find more meaning in one-on-one connections than large gatherings.'' [quoted]

Now I don't feel guilty.Yes.Embrace your nature.Now, who feels the same?

Secret

Xt told me a secret, a long-known secret actually, but I am forgetful and always forgot the lesson behind this secret.

Yes, I am going to reveal the secret.And what do you think, excited right? A secret meant to be shared.

It's so called the power of  will. And it's written in the famous book 'Secret'.

We are connected to the universe.And our thoughts and emotions, either it's a bad or good one, will be sent to the universe and the universe will respond to it by turning it real. Yes, I believed it's true, because when I trust myself in something good, it always happen.

Yes, ''Worrying is praying for something you don't want it to happen''.

I came across to one of my friend's blog that day, and to my surprise, she said she has no sense of social belongings. She is popular, cute, sweet and nice. How on Earth can this happens?

I believed most of us experience the feelings of being abandoned,  alone and not being appreciated or understood. Not a good thing to admit, I share the same problem with the girl.

Why do I care? I asked myself. And soon I learnt it in the class, social belonging is one of the need of human, it lies in the middle of the Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Zomg, so I need it eventually.

I feel better with my babe girls though. It's so free and easy, comfortable whenever I hang out with them, just being me; we would joke something outsiders couldn't understand and they understand my ''language'' so well.

Crowds with laughter,checked. A huge bunch of peers, checked. But who speaks your language and care about you? 1 or 2 percents?

But what struck me is not anger or disappointment as soon as I remember the secret. Suppress the negative thoughts, stir up happiness and smile. Sob a little while and chase away bad emotion. Cheers the universe and have your wonderful day.

Low B Aoran is having better EQ now.


p/s: Give her a big round of applause.


sshhh, it's a secret.

A little bit of everything

Tick Tok，Tick Tok...Time is the creepy monster that sneaked up on you, not giving you warning or second chance, it just slips away.Really creep me up, can't believe I'm graduating next year. I haven't get enough fun in this uni life but it's already urging me to say goodbye.

Sigh,it's Junior Year. Soon,I will be the 'daigahjeh' in the campus.

What am I up to recently? Things wasn't bad. At least my schedule is less packed. Decided to take one day instead of two for my part time job. Everyone should go get a life! So do I.

A quick update with photoss!Since a lot of photo are in my phone and I don't wanna spam them on FB,so here will be the place.! Gotta squeezed all sort of photos in this post.

Second weekend since school reopened! Craved to sing Idk why!

Now I can take endless photos with my phone without worrying it to be lag and hang. Woohoo! I really love how fast the phone captures and loads the photo.Previously was like Hell yea, gazing at the screen for like 10s only the photo slowly comes out.

And finally Durian Puff +Queensbay Mall =P Yummy！

Pharmily dinner as ritual of every beginning of the semester. This is Cruise Steak House btw.

This smokey chicken was yummy.

Ohh i love this.Way better than Long Island!

Here we were in Toy's Cafe. Just randomly walked to Toy's because it just few steps away from Cruise Steak House. Nice decoration and coffee art.

The simplest figure turned out to be the nicest one. Mickey.

Face of Doraemon smeared when they carried the coffee upstairs.

Something related to pharmacy. Tabletting machine is a wonder, it turns powder into tablet, producing hundreds of them in just a few minutes.Just amazed me LOL. 

CNY dinner.Spent RM32 but only got my stomach half fulled. OMG.I missed dinner with daddy mummy already.That's super yummy and contented!

Actually just a few photos taken in HaiWanTian, others were all selfies with same people, same pose and same face LOL

3rd week Saturday night. Spent half day in Perlis for herbs farm visit. Just zonked out whenever I'm on the bus.Too tired. Came back and dashed out for USM Post CNY event MariMari.

I learnt something again. Swallow painful memories, find your own sunshine when everyone is leaving you. Don't hate.Don't frown.

It's your life.Others have no power over it. Be strong as always. Be your own sunshine.Be happy.

I'm lucky.xt is always there for me whether it's high or low.